Posted July 23, 2012 by Kelley Maren in 3 Day Access Pass

What I’ve been reading. What I’ve been hearing. What I’ve been seeing…

Dear Diary Readers,

Goodness!  When I turn on the radio, when I turn on the television, and when I pick up my phone for my news, it’s everywhere–chaos!  I sometimes pull back and don’t know how to collect my thoughts in such a way that would allow for me to articulate my feelings upon anything of real significance to me; it’s as though I go numb.

I feel sympathy for those people that have been killed, hurt, or had first hand experience of the theatre massacre this past Friday in Aurora, CO.  And though I feel so sad about it all, a big part of me feels like such a bastard for feeling shocked by it.  Humans amaze me in both splended and terrifying ways.  I mean, alongside all of the US news, internationally there are places where there are people that go through this every damn day.  As of late I’ve tiny moments of feeling like a born into riches bastardo, where it’s been imprinted into me to not feel humble until tragedy strikes like this Colorado saddness.  I haven’t been born with a silver spoon, but I do recognize that things could have been worse.  It seems I never really know how to carry about whenever I learn of horror that I cannot begin to rationalize or conceive on my own.  As I said before humans amaze me.

My inner voice often tells me things like: it’s ok to feel lucky to be hereit’s quite alright to be happy you’re alive… Quickly guilt rushes over me, mixed along with hints of confusion, frustration, fear, back to feeling of relief of my own situation, then well it can get complicated.

…continued in members area.